The Psychiatrist: Akatsuki
by RyoushintekiAikou
Summary: What happens when the leader of the criminal organization the Akatsuki requests three of his members see a psychiatrist? - CRACK: Warning: Pure insanity by me & R&R 3 rated for blood/randomness


**Sasori, Izaki, and Deidara's Trip to the Psychiatrist**

**A/N: Lawl, Dai, I just knew I should so do this for boredom. No, Sasori cannot cut me with his scalpel from groin to my sternum then take out my internal organs in alphabetical order. ;-;**

**PS: I do not own Naruto. This is purely for the reader's, and my, amusement. I take copyright for Izaki Mukura, though. 3**

**P.P.S: This is for Ayatsuri.Chi**

"What the hell, Danna, un, why did Leader-sama insist on sending us to a psychiatrist, yea?"

"Well, it would be because he's a freaking ass hole who has nothing better to do than amusing himself by sending us to a psychiatrist. He needs to get laid, in all honesty," Izaki explained in a bored tone as she examined her black nail polish for chips. Sasori just walked mutely beside them. Deidara, with his blonde hair in a ponytail with a section of his bangs covering his left eye and his visible eye a vibrant blue and porcelain skin; Izaki, with dark ebony hair unevenly cut hanging by her face and haunted vibrant violet eyes contrasting a bit violently with her pale skin and soft-featured face who was slim and slightly short; Sasori with his unruly maroon hair and sharp grey eyes who had transformed his body into a puppets.

"Well, that's a nice thing to say about the Leader of the Akatsuki considering you're female and—"

"I dare you to go there, Akasuna no Sasori." With Sasori, Izaki had very thin patience. When she got angry, all hell broke loose. He merely smiled wickedly.

"And the fact female shinobi are less talented than male shinobi. It's even amazing he let you into the organization," he finished with a triumphant smirk. Izaki whipped around and slapped him across the face hard and faster than it took Sasori to even say the first sentence of his previous words.

"I told you not to go there," Izaki muttered as she walked in step with Deidara. Sasori stood there stunned for a moment.

"You slapped me!"

"I slap everyone when they tick me off enough."

"What the hell?!"

"Hey, it's the only way to deal with the stupid people."

"Your mom is stupid," shot back Sasori. Izaki let out an exasperated sigh.

"I wouldn't know, she hated me and mostly ignored me till I killed her. In all honesty, she was kinda stupid for not noticing how freaking crazy I was," Izaki pondered in a slightly amused tone. Sasori's eye visibly twitched.

"Burn, Danna, un," Deidara sang out from where he was a step in front of them constructing something out of clay. Izaki smiled thinly and walked ahead with Deidara with Sasori swearing under his breath softly.

"I can hear you."

"What do I care?"

"I might decide to recite a gory death story for you if you annoy me enough."

"Tch." Sasori chuckled softly and faintly.

"You sound like a girl when you laugh," Izaki added.

"Well you sound like a guy."

"Hn, more of a guy than you ever will be." Izaki was having too much fun at the moment laughing quietly to herself.

"That's another burn, Danna, un," Deidara sang out.

"Oh, shut up, Deidara," snapped Sasori. Then Deidara turned around and tackled Sasori to the ground and sat on him. "What the hell?!"

"Say you're sorry, un!"

"I didn't do anything! Get off me, you're crushing my artificial lungs!" he shouted angrily.

"Apologize, un!" Deidara retorted while still sitting on Sasori with Izaki staring at them through laughing amethyst adorned irises.

"Fine! I'm sorry for telling you to shut up!"

"And, un?" Sasori rolled his eyes.

"And for raising my voice with you…" Deidara promptly got off Sasori and grinned down at him.

"That wasn't so hard, now was it, un?" he asked. Sasori merely grunted and strode ahead of them brushing off his black-with-red-clouds Akatsuki cloak. Izaki followed close behind with Deidara trailing behind them happily with his clay. It took another five minutes before they reached a building in the middle of nowhere (yes, what the heck is a building doing in the middle of nowhere…). It had a Japanese sign saying 'Psychiatrist'. Upon entering a secretary stared at them for a moment before speaking.

"Sasori and Izaki take the first room to the left and Deidara take the third door to the right." Deidara did as he was told with his other two companions sweeping after him. Sasori opened the door and went in first with Izaki trailing in after him. The psychiatrist sat with their back to them.

"Take a seat," drawled an all-too-familiar voice. Sasori and Izaki both cautiously sat. "I've heard that you have…ah…_problems_ with morbid fantasies."

"Look, we're just a teensy bit screwed up. That's it," Izaki muttered.

"You should've been dead before this… I would've taken my scalpel and cut you open from groin to sternum and then taken out all your internal organs in alphabetical order," Sasori told him in a bored voice.

"And then I would drain all your blood and paint on the walls with it," Izaki added.

"Then I'd turn you into a puppet," Sasori sighed.

"So we don't have very many issues," Izaki concluded.

"You have _many_ issues." The figure in the chair turned to them and the light hit the snow-white face of Orochimaru.

"Crap! Let's get outta here!" Izaki ordered firmly. The red-head didn't need telling twice. He stood and bolted out the door with Izaki in tow.

"They always run…and I always forget to lock the door…" muttered Orochimaru, standing slowly. Deidara was already waiting for them outside with his clay bird.

"Let's go, un, this place is freaking creepy," Deidara announced as he hopped on his clay bird. Sasori got on after him followed by Izaki. They were in the air by the time the creepy Michael Jackson look-alike—Orochimaru, that is…was outside.

"I don't think we need to be seeing a psychiatrist anytime soon…" Sasori muttered. Izaki's eye was still twitching and Deidara looked slightly traumatized.

"Let's kill Leader-sama when we get back, agreed?" Izaki finally managed to say.

"Agreed."

_**FIN**_


End file.
